Underrated relationship advice from Sahil Bloom
“Stop assuming people know how you feel about them. Tell your friends you’re proud of them. Text your parents you love them. Compliment your coworkers.
Say the kind thing while you still have the chance.”
I learned that with my dad. And we were lucky to get many opportunities to do so. A dear mentor is battling cancer now.
Stop waiting for disaster.
Make the comment.
If you thought it but did not articulate it, it doesn’t really matter.
You know yourself by your thoughts. Others know you by your words and actions.
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But most won’t even take this nudge. And the reason will surprise you:
They are worried they will look/sound stupid. And they are worried that too much praise is inauthentic.
Stop worrying. A 2021 meta analysis found that recipients even find awkward compliments warm and authentic.
The top ten most cited academic studies all come to a shockingly similar conclusion:
1. It must be Specific, effort oriented, and timely. But err on saying the good thing. Silence is always worse.
2. Colleagues do not habituate to genuine praise. Frequency, therefore, is critical. (The real barrier is managers who fear seeming inauthentic or repetitive).
3. Frequency beats Perfection. Repeated compliments do not wear out. Authenticity comes from genuine observation, not rarity. And the more you do it the better you get at it.
The results are pretty incredible:
1. Praise works, and scales – it reliably lifts performance by 10-45% across industries and job levels.
2. It has a big Ripple. A 30 second expression of gratitude can boost subsequent effort by 50% and spark a contagion where that person looks for and recognizes others in the same way.
3. Recognition cements commitment. Every study found leaders who excelled at genuine compliments saw lower absenteeism, lower turnover, and consistently outperformed other leaders in ROI.
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The best part of the Key Relationship process is putting in place the nudge to do it in the first place.
