Quality of your relationship

The quality of your life comes down to the quality of your relationships.

The quality of your relationships relies on the maturity of your coping mechanisms.

The only longitudinal study, I know of, The Grant & Glueck Study followed men from the 1942, 43, and 44 undergraduate class at Harvard and 456 “disadvantaged non-dilinquent inner-city youths” who grew up in Boston over the course of their lives.

Happiness, Joy, and Satisfaction with one’s life came down to one thing: Your Relationships.

Those who were most satisfied with their relationships at 50, were the healthiest at 80.

The #1 Driver of good relationships is the maturity of your coping mechanisms – essentially how do you deal with life when you don’t get your way…when it doesn’t go the way you planned?

There are four responses:

1. Toddler Tantrums – some of you know these all too well.

2. Delusion – Where people reshape the narrative and makeup parts so they feel better.

3. Deflection – Seeking to blame. They fall victim to a life caught in the Drama Triangle (Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer).

4. Reflection – Able to see the world for what it is. Smile at the Absurdity. Forgive easily (including themselves).

The fourth coping mechanism is a hallmark of all the successful individuals I know:

They Reflect Often (journal, have coaches, write, and learn their lessons)

They take 100% responsibility for what they do not like in their lives. They waste little time “seeking justice.” Instead, they adjust and move forward quickly.

And they live a little lighter with themselves and those around them.

As the Harvard Gazette article says: Good Genes are nice, but Joy is better.

The Ted Talk by the current guardian of the study Robert Waldinger is here: https://lnkd.in/e2Ai7_Rk

The Triumph of Experience, a book by the longest guardian of the study George Vailliant is here: https://lnkd.in/eABneKcc

And a short Harvard article here: https://lnkd.in/e7RqwqUc

#happiness #people #experience #leadership

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  • DATE

    March 11, 2022