The quality of your life comes down to the quality of your relationships.
The quality of your relationships relies on the maturity of your coping mechanisms.
The only longitudinal study, I know of, The Grant & Glueck Study followed men from the 1942, 43, and 44 undergraduate class at Harvard and 456 “disadvantaged non-dilinquent inner-city youths” who grew up in Boston over the course of their lives.
Happiness, Joy, and Satisfaction with one’s life came down to one thing: Your Relationships.
Those who were most satisfied with their relationships at 50, were the healthiest at 80.
The #1 Driver of good relationships is the maturity of your coping mechanisms – essentially how do you deal with life when you don’t get your way…when it doesn’t go the way you planned?
There are four responses:
1. Toddler Tantrums – some of you know these all too well.
2. Delusion – Where people reshape the narrative and makeup parts so they feel better.
3. Deflection – Seeking to blame. They fall victim to a life caught in the Drama Triangle (Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer).
4. Reflection – Able to see the world for what it is. Smile at the Absurdity. Forgive easily (including themselves).
The fourth coping mechanism is a hallmark of all the successful individuals I know:
They Reflect Often (journal, have coaches, write, and learn their lessons)
They take 100% responsibility for what they do not like in their lives. They waste little time “seeking justice.” Instead, they adjust and move forward quickly.
And they live a little lighter with themselves and those around them.
As the Harvard Gazette article says: Good Genes are nice, but Joy is better.
The Ted Talk by the current guardian of the study Robert Waldinger is here: https://lnkd.in/e2Ai7_Rk
The Triumph of Experience, a book by the longest guardian of the study George Vailliant is here: https://lnkd.in/eABneKcc
And a short Harvard article here: https://lnkd.in/e7RqwqUc
March 11, 2022