My three year old was vibrating with excitement. She thought she was going to get to see Grampie.
She was pointing to his picture on the little bear she regularly sleeps with.
We had to explain to her that we were headed to bury Grampie and spread his ashes.
She didn’t really understand. All she has known for the last 6 months is that she hasn’t been able to see her Grampie. He was a constant in her life. We moved in with him when she was 8 weeks old. The love of his grandchildren and their presence brought him back from the perils of loneliness. Their bond holds.
When we arrived at the graveyard, she was glued to me. We lowered his urn, dropped in some roses for him, and that is when it really hit my oldest.
Tears flowed down her face. She didn’t want to put a rose in. She understood the finality of it. We had visited that same graveyard every fathers day to pay our respects to my grandfather (her great grandfather).
With only two roses left, she decided this was important and she was ready.
Her little sister, always watching, followed suit.
As we buried dad and spread his ashes at the memorial on the family homestead, I was surrounded by family – The community that has leaned in and gone through this with us. My daughters were surrounded by cousin love that makes this more bearable.
We got to the vehicles – Ellington surrounded by the love of her cousins chose to ride with them. Audrey was with us.
She had watched us shovel the dirt in.
As her big brain processed everything, she said:
“Daddy, I miss Grampie.
I don’t want him under the ground.
I want him on top of the ground.”
Me too kiddo, me too.
He was my safe place. The place I could sort. The base of unconditional love I now do my best to model.
When Jim Nantz was debating a move away from golf, it was the first major decision he had to make without his father.
And Jim told Arnold Palmer it was hard.
He said, ‘Why was it hard?’ And I said, ‘Because my dad wasn’t there to be able to talk it through.’
He says, ‘No, you don’t understand. Your dad made that decision with you.’
I said, ‘How’s that?’
He said, ‘He was talking the whole time. You just didn’t realize it. He was right here.’
‘And Arnold had big hands, like baseball mitts…He kept hitting me right here in the heart.
He says, ‘Jim, he was right here. He’s right here. He’s always gonna be right here. You were listening to him and you made that decision…Don’t ever forget, for as long as you’re alive and you face moments in your lifetime, you don’t know what to do. Just remember, It’s right here.’
As we tackle the integration of AI to drive productivity. As we get incredible opportunities to enable, lead, and roll up our sleeves. He would have loved the challenge and opportunity.
When we really get into it. This is when I miss you the most.
It is also when I hear your lessons most clearly.
Rest Easy Dad.
