New year, new me – Partner Edition.
I used to be critical (and more than a little smug) about the commitments people make this time of year.
I was right that most would fail.
But I was wrong to be a cynic.
The fresh start effect is real — and as Katy Milkman proved, New Year’s is the best “temporal landmark” we get for making new commitments.
Your odds aren’t amazing by default (something like ~ 9% is often quoted)…
…but they improve fast if you understand:
The anatomy of a habit
The environmental conditions of success
And the power of your close circle
I’ll share more on that in a few weeks — right around Quitter’s Day.
New habits are born of new identities.
But that requires honest reflection.
And it’s even better if you do it with your partner.
Because, as Warren Rustand once bluntly said “No success in business makes up for a lack of success at home.”
And there is nothing more powerful than alignment at home. I feel like I have the cheat code because there has always been peace and support at home.
Not by accident.
By Intention.
We work at it.
Last night, Emily Dugas and I asked each other these 16 questions before making today’s commitments:
1. What was the theme of our year — and what evidence proves it?
2. What did we do this year that made us stronger as a team?
3. What did we do this year that quietly weakened us — even if it looked “productive” or “necessary”?
4. Where did we grow closer — and where did we drift (even slightly)?
5. What did you need from me this year that you didn’t get enough of?
6. What did I do this year that made you feel most loved / respected / safe?
7. What’s one misunderstanding about you (or me) that we should correct going into next year?
8. What were our biggest tradeoffs this year — and were they worth it?
9. What did we learn about our limits (time, energy, stress) — and what boundary follows from that?
10. What are we optimizing for next year: comfort, growth, freedom, family, adventure, legacy — and what does that choice require us to say no to?
11. If next year goes exceptionally well for us, what will we have done consistently?
12. What is the one habit / ritual / system that would most improve our life together?
13. What’s the one hard conversation we’ve been postponing — and what decision does it point toward?
14. What do we want our home to feel like in the coming year (for us, for the kids, for guests)?
15. What would make us feel proud of how we loved each other this year?
16. What do we want to be true one year from now — that will only happen if we design for it now?
We laughed. We dug deep. We were raw and vulnerable.
We lost Dad last year.
It was a year of transitions.
We laid new foundations in 2025.
In 2026, we build.
—
If you’re doing a reflection with your partner, feel free to borrow these.
Happy New Year Folks.
You’re 2-3 systemic commitments away from a whole new life.
I’ve seen it.
I’ve lived it.
